Candle in the wind?

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

Macbeth, (Act 5, Scene 5), spoken by Macbeth upon learning of his wife's death.  I like this part because I think it captures the devastation at learning of the sudden death of a loved one.  Shakespeare is said to have published Macbeth in 1605, about 10 years after his own son Hamnet's death at age 11 in 1595.

I repeated this part of Macbeth's speech to myself often after Nicholas's death.

Macbeth's speech continues,

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.

This part doesn't speak to me.

What are we doing here (2)?

Alex turned 25 on Thursday. A quarter century of being parents for us. I can still feel the moment when he arrived as though it was a few hours ago. How it feels to be the father of one living child, and not two, is a much more complicated matter. It is always jarring, especially on good days, like today. Nick's absence is like a pendulum - it swings away at times, then comes hurtling back.

Eschatology

Four years ago today our lives as we knew them ended. Raising children, we worried about them when they were sick, when they were hurt, when they were late coming home, but the nameless dread of being a parent is so much more than I would ever have imagined. I learned that through long, terrifying hours at Lahey, after the horrific site of my car wrapped around a tree, the roof and doors peeled back so that the Lexington Fire crew could extract Nicholas, Frank and Paul. So many dreams ended that night, so much new reality was born. The falcon cannot hear the falconer.

Palimpsest

Nick's friends: This is a random post and a work in progress - it's been I while, and I thought it would be good to do a post on some of Nick's friends, now that he lives mostly in my and their memories. Why now? I suppose because many things come together - Nick's birthday, Mothers' day, Sara's graduation, the anniversary of Alex's graduation and of Bowdoin graduation, and Angie's graduation, each a writing and rewriting of life changes and memory onto a particular, glorious time of year. So, in no particular order: Will - should be finishing up his Fullbright year in Colombia! Will's semester abroad in Chile, parts of which are recorded in http://gringogigante.blogspot.com/, was memorable for many things, including the strongest earthquake since 1960 (not Will's doing). Sara - graduating! I am so happy - this was a tough thing to do. Sara wrote a piece for Newsweek, one year out: http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2008/12/05/remembering-the-perfect-boy.html. Frank - law school, Science Olympiad, front seat. Paul - graduated, back seat. Steve - Maine 3 - any one I have missed above - you guys have been great! Danny, John, Will, Shosh, Sophie, Zoe, Linda, Bobby, Angie, Ping. An amazing group. You write the next chapters.