Time to share

I started this blog with the idea of sharing it at some point, but have never done so, and as you can see the posts are infrequent. It's too easy to think about the here and now, or if I talk about our life, pre 112207, to get bogged down in comparisons - the then and now. Nick's birthday is coming up, and that gave me the idea of trying to do a sort of cycle through the year - the now always brings back the then anyway.

Three years ago we put the photo below in Nick's high school yearbook. It was a sort of compromise. We wanted to buy an ad, Nick didn't want anything that would embarrass him, so this is what we did. No name.

The text is Rudyard Kipling's "If." Nick liked Kipling, at least as much as he had read of him. The Disney adaptation of The Jungle Book was his favorite movie for a very long time, and we read Kim as a chapter book when he was little. He knew some of Kipling's verse, including this poem, but "If" was our pick for him, rather than his own. Nick was on the way.

Science Olympiad

Another year. Three years ago, it was Nick, Frank and a handful of others bucking the LHS system, deciding to compete in the State Science Olympiad, and placing fourth. The science department told them they had no chance, they would embarrass the school. We told Nick he had more important things to do his senior year. Nick went ahead, somehow got it all done - college applications, interviews, homework, APs, and Science Olympiad. They went to none of the regional practice meets, but recruited kids, practiced the academics, worked on the engineering events until all hours as the date neared. Fourth.

I had no idea what that meant.

The team was resurrected in 2008 by Olga Guttag, almost single-handedly. In early December they came to us and asked if they could name the team in Nick's memory, and we said of course. Olga was able to get some money from Shire to help cover expenses - still no school support. That first year they placed fourth. Last year I helped coach (really didn't do much - I was in South Africa most of January) - we placed second, and nearly unseated Newton North.

This year we worked hard at it. I think I spent every Saturday after New Year on engineering events. Olga was hospitalized the day of the meet, Elizabeth and I had been at BI until midnight the night before, getting Elizabeth's finger stitched up (the cookies were great!), and I got the call while we were at the hospital asking if I would run the meet for the team. Nick was with us, I think. Big disappointment at the awards - we placed six, in spite of the usual good showing on some events. Good news the next day - scoring error, we really placed third!

A new year

Another year.

It snowed much of the New Year's weekend. Alex worked a 24-hour shift on New Year's day, then a 12-hour shift on the following day, followed by another 24-hour shift on Sunday into Monday. Mount Auburn was closed Sunday when we went, so I went Monday morning. Bright sunshine, made brighter by the snow. Nick is still there, and of course not there.

Sara came for dinner tonight. It was great to see her, and good to have the time together. Her brother Daniel has grown a lot, and she talked about how he is "huggable" now, and how if he keeps growing ... We talked about shoe sizes - Alex pointed out his feet are size 13. Elizabeth said he got his hands from me and his feet from her, and we measured his hands against mine, then mine against Sara's - we agreed Nick's hands were bigger than mine, how he could fold the tops of his fingers down over her fingertips. It's like a knife sometimes.

Dianne Arakawa preached on the first chapter of John yesterday - In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. She talked about how John begins at the beginning, how the point is that we are with God, and of God, before we are. I think it's a way of connecting with the unknowable - we don't know where we come from, we don't know where we're going to. We find out, in the end.

New York Times article on grief

This is a quick note.   The Times ran an interesting article on grief today (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/29/health/29grief.html).   They describe an approach to dealing with "extreme grief" - involves writing about the death in detail, and using the act of putting the description away to learn how to "put the feelings away."  Interesting, but I'm not sure the author or the psychiatrist interviewed (M. Katherine Shear) have actually had to try this.  I'm not being critical - just wonder.   I may try it.   The post will be well labeled.

Labor Day weekend

For us, Labor Day weekend has been defined as Ferry Beach since 1992.    Each year saw the boys a year older, and us as well, though the changes are not always as obvious.    The beach changes too, and still it is in some ways a constant.   This photo is from 2005.   Alex will be at school this weekend, but we will be at Ferry Beach again.

For some time I have felt it was time to begin a place where those of us who loved Nicholas could share remembrances of him. Whether you are extended family, friends or classmates, welcome. I also wanted a scrapbook of sorts, so if you have photos of Nick that you would like to share, please send them in. This is a start.